my blueberry muffin looks exactly like my dog I’m gonna cry
my friend who snorts cocaine won’t eat cookie dough because it’s bad for you
woke up to a blood stain on my bedsheets wtf
this is literally the best post ever
Religious people came to my friends door and gave her this pamphlet but they got the texts wrong so apparently jesus has no time for you
He’s smiling. He’s proud of himself.
He’s saying “Look at me, that’s right, I’m balancing myself on this little stub of a branch. I am as majestic as a bird on its perch.”
behold the happiest bear
everyone has that “thing” about them that people talk about when you’re not there.
WHAT IS MINE
THIS IS MY FAVORITE TWITTER INTERACTION OF ALL TIME
i would be such a shit famous person because when a fan wants to take pictures i’d be like “show me” and then id be like “ew delete it” all the time